Back to School: Preparing children for more than new uniforms

Dr Eleanor Bryant, Associate Professor in Eating and Health Psychology at the University of Bradford, shares the advice all parents need to know as their children head back to school: 

New shoes bought. Uniform labelled. Pencil case packed. But is your child ready for the return to school?

For some children, September brings excitement, friends and a fresh start. For others, it means butterflies, sleepless nights and worries about what lies ahead.

As a psychologist, my advice is simple: don’t aim for an anxiety-free first day. Feeling nervous about change is normal. What matters is helping children believe they can cope with it.

And what they need from us changes with age. A four-year-old starting school faces very different challenges from an 11-year-old preparing for secondary school.

So, whether your child is starting school, heading back after the summer or making the leap to secondary, here are the key things I’d focus on.

Starting school

1. Make the unknown familiar

New places feel less daunting when we know what to expect. Walk the school route, talk through the day and explain things like lunch, playtime and pick-up.

2. Don’t dismiss their worries

If your child says “I’m scared,” resist immediately saying “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Try: “I can see why you’re nervous. It’s new – and I know you can do it.”

We’re not trying to eliminate every anxious feeling. We’re helping children discover that they can experience those feelings and cope with them.

3. Build independence in small ways

Practise putting on their coat, opening their lunchbox, carrying their bag, and asking an adult for help.

Confidence grows through lots of little experiences of “I can do this.”

4. Keep goodbyes predictable

Create a familiar routine: hug, kiss, “I’ll see you after school” – and go.

Warm and predictable can be much more reassuring than a long, anxious goodbye.

5. Ask about people, not just learning

Instead of “What did you learn?”, try “Who did you play with?”, “Who made you laugh?” or “Who helped you today?”

Returning to school

1. Ease back into routine

Don’t go from summer-holiday mode to school mode overnight. Gradually bring sleep, wake-up times and meals back towards the school routine.

2. Protect their sleep

Sleep isn’t a luxury – it’s fundamental to children’s physical and psychological health.

Start shifting late summer nights before school begins and aim for more consistent sleep and waking patterns.

3. Talk – don’t interrogate

Instead of “Are you worried about school?”, try: “What are you looking forward to?”

“Is there anything you’re not looking forward to?”

Then listen. Children don’t always need us to fix things – sometimes they need to know we’re available to listen.

4. Reconnect before they return

We spend August thinking about shoes, uniforms and stationery. Children may be thinking: “Who am I going to sit with?”

If possible, help them reconnect with friends before school starts. Even one familiar face can make that first morning feel easier.

5. Get them moving

Walking, cycling, swimming, dancing or playing in the park all count.

Recent evidence from hundreds of randomised trials suggests exercise can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression in children and adolescents.

The best exercise is usually the movement a child actually enjoys.

Moving from primary to secondary school

1. Practise the practical stuff

Secondary school brings a lot of new information all at once.

Practise the journey. Talk about timetables. Discuss what happens if they get lost, miss the bus or forget their PE kit.

2. Take friendship worries seriously

Parents may be thinking about homework. Their child may be thinking: “Who am I going to have lunch with?”

3. Give them independence – but stay available

Secondary-school children may want more independence, but that doesn’t mean they need less emotional support.
Keep opportunities for conversation open without demanding them. Sometimes the best conversations happen in the car, walking the dog or making dinner.

4. Expect a few wobbles

A forgotten book, tears after school or “I hate it there!” in week one doesn’t necessarily mean the transition is going badly.

This is a significant adjustment. Try asking: “What was the hardest bit today – and what might make tomorrow easier?”

That shifts the conversation from worry towards problem-solving.

5. Focus on belonging before brilliance

In the first few weeks, I’d worry less about whether they’re excelling and more about whether they’re settling.

Do they know where they’re going? Have they found someone to sit with? Is there an adult they trust? Do they feel that they’re beginning to fit in?

In those first few weeks, belonging may matter more than brilliance.

If there’s one thing I’d like parents to take away, it’s this: don’t judge how well school is going by whether your child has a wobble.

They might cry at drop-off. They might come home exhausted. Your new secondary-school student might lose their timetable, get on the wrong bus or announce after day two that they’re never going back.

A wobble isn’t a failure. Learning how to recover from one is part of growing up.

We’re not trying to raise children who never wobble. We’re helping them become children who know they can wobble – and recover.

Young people’s mental health will feature in the next of the University’s 6 Decades Lecture series celebrating its 60th anniversary.

Children and Young People’s Mental Health: Why Prevention Matters‘, held on Wednesday 23 September, from 13:00 to 14:30 on campus and online, will sees researchers from the NIHR-funded Bradford Mental Health Research Centre discuss the challenges facing young people’s mental health today, why prevention matters, and the role that families, schools, communities, and policy can play in supporting their wellbeing.

Go to the ‘Children and Young People’s Mental Health: Why Prevention Matters‘ event page to book your place.